Swarmed

Today at church I was swarmed. I normally shy away from crowds but today, I devoured the delicious feeling of being known and loved. I wish I had someone take a picture so I could show you but I was too in the moment to think of that, and really to stop and take a picture would have ruined the moment.

I was swarmed by about 8 teens girls from a local orphanage here in Nassau. This orphanage has decided to make St.Andrews Kirk their church home, and the church could not be more thrilled and me, well I am on the moon just thinking about it.

In 2011 I had the honor of leading 2 different girls groups for this Home for Children and I got to know some of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever had the privilege to meet. During those hours together I shared stories, helped them share their stories and encouraged them to remember to live like they are loved. That no matter what they have been through, they matter and they are loved. I tell you, those groups have remained one of the highlights of my time here in Nassau.

So back to today. I  saw the girls come in and sit just across from me as my pew was full. We all waved excitedly at one another and then settled into worship. Once the last note of the last song was sung and the choir had left their loft, the girls ran over even before I could stand and the swarming began!! I think I was having about 5 conversations at once. My arms were full from the multitude of hugs and I was beaming.

The conversation quickly went to their dating life. I asked them (semi jokingly) if there was anyone I needed to beat up for them. They know I am their biggest fans and will go to war to make sure they are treated well. They answered no, but smiled and told me that they were figuring out how to take dating slow and give more attention to who they were as an individual not just in a relationship. I smiled as they took a page right out of my "dating lecture" I give to all my girls. Lesson heard and received!.

Then one of the girls, in all seriousness turned to me, put a hand on my shoulder and asked, How is your husband treating you? Tables turned. My smile was huge, and my heart was bursting. I chuckled a little at such a question. They were caring about me, and since I always ask about their relationships, it only fit that they asked me about mine. I was so touched, I smiled and told them that just the other day Bryn quoted a Bruno Mars song for me and that it was just what I needed that day. They all said ahhh in unison and smiled, as did I!

Their bus was about to leave so I walked them to the steps towards their bus, one on each side of me, all of us still talking excitedly. It was so amazing!

I was reflecting on the way home how  the girls were so excited to see me and to be there with me . But then realized that it was myself that was probably the more excited one! I thought they would have been thrilled for me to have acknowledged them and ask about them but it was me that was thrilled to see care come my way. It is an amazing feeling; knowing you building into others lives. I seriously love doing that and believe God has given me many opportunities to do so, but when that relationship shifts a bit and you are the one who is not just doing the caring but now is one who is  is cared about  there is a whole new dimension to the relationship. There is a mutual respect and love that just blows my mind. God has shown me today that it is not just amazing to care about others in your life but that it is also amazing to be cared for in return.

Being so often a caregiver I fear I forget to let others care for me in return. I fear I even do this with God, not intentionally but I so often want to show God my love and show others my love for God that I rarely sit with him and let His love into my life in an intentional way. I am so grateful for my girls today, they not only showed me love they taught me that I need to accept it too!
shine on my friends!

Angry Bird T shirt makes girl popular!

Here is a  self portrait from Tuesday. I took this after recognizing that I was getting more attention than  I usually do, all because I was wearing my new Angry bird shirt. I knew this would turn into a blog so in search of truth and armed with just an iPhone I attempted to capture my an image of my then more popular self and the said angry bird shirt at the focus of all this fuss.

  The day started like any other, I did a great pool work out with my friends, got dressed and headed to the food store to get some essentials. I had not given my wardrobe much thought, I always grab a t shirt and shorts without much thought and pray they match somewhat. I walked in the store as usual, grabbed my cart and started to fill it. I made my way through the produce aisle without much notice but when I went down the dairy aisle I heard one of the stock boys say..OOO angry birds.. cool!! He looks a me, smiles, gives a thumbs up and carries on. I was confused at first but then realized I was wearing my new angry bird t shirt, I smiled, said thanks and carried on. It happen again in the cereal aisle, the pet care aisle and the frozen food section. Most of those who noticed were employees at the store that I had seen around before and often said hello to but these interactions were on a new level, actually, I felt like I was on a new level. I was cool!

Later that day I went to Anya's school for pick up, it was there the real popularity started. In almost every hallway I was told I had a cool shirt, was told that some kid likes Angry birds too or I was asked where did I get such a great shirt. Seriously by the time I made in back to the car with Anya in tow, I am sure my t shirt was commented on about 10 times. That is a lot of interaction or a quiet girl like me who tries to get in and get out without much notice.

Later on at the pool for Anya's practice I had to walk through a bigger crowd than normal to get to the pool, there was a sporting event happening on the field adjacent to us. I actually saw one girl pull her almost seated mom out of the car and say, nay, yell to her mom. "That, as she pointed, that is an angry bird shirt!"
I saw groups of teen girls comment and nod in conclusion my shirt rocked. I heard boys holler out and point at the angry bird shirt and watched  little kids stare then move closer to me to see the shirt closer.  More people said something to me than I can ever recall in my life. For that 3 minute walk, I was a celebrity!

 I got thinking, I walk this path to the pool nearly 3 times a week, I am at the grocery store with the same frequency, and I am at Anya's school so often I cannot count. Does wearing a shirt corresponding with the pop culture of the moment really make me that much more approachable?  Perhaps some how my t shirt made me easier to relate to and approach.

So to recap so far, people somehow felt more comfortable with me when I wore my angry bird t shirt. So what was stopping them from saying hi before? I do not think I changed much else about me that day, I had my usual  I-do -not- care hair style going on, a shocking lack of make up and my old flip flops worn by days in the sand. The only difference was my new shirt. (yes I leave a very boring fashion life..no comments yet please) back to the question what was different? I like to think I am friendly but this shirt got me thinking. Perhaps people need something in common to break the silence, a shared joke, a shared hobby, or shared experience. Some how angry birds bridged that gap with others for me, interesting. Most of us in life are just looking for others to relate to, to feel like someone else can understand them or gets them. To feel better understood is a huge deal, it counts for a  lot in peoples lives. Angry birds might have just been a game for someone or a new t shirt for me but on Tuesday, it became a launching point for many many conversations and interactions.

God did the same thing you know, no he did not wear an angry bird shirt, although that kind of makes me smile to think about it.  But he knew we find Him hard to relate to. We are mere mortals full of imperfections trying to relate to an all powerful, non human holy God. Talk about barriers, how are we suppose to even try. So what did God do? No he did not wear an angry bird shirt, but he did make himself more relatable. He bridged the gap, broke the barriers between Himself and us by coming to walk among us. He lived with us, He ate with us, He died for us, all so that we might have an opportunity to relate to a Holy and awesome God.

The cool thing, is that God did not change anything about Himself, Jesus, was God just in human form. He did not fake humanness much like we sometime fake friendliness. Jesus did not walk among as just for PR sake, he walked among us because He loved us and wanted to get to know us. Amazing if you think about it. God in human flesh, making himself available and approachable to us because he wants us to know him better. He, unlike me and my accidental angry bird shirt wear, did all of this on purpose with the intention to interact and let us know He gets us. Awesome!

Just something to think about
Shine on my friends

p.s I would be remiss to not mention my fantastic BFF Jen who brought this shirt for me from Canada. Jen, you have always made me feel loved but thanks to your amazing fashion sense, I feel popular!

Happy 2012, live undeniably as His!

Happy New Year to my readers, friends and family!

I am so very much looking forward to 2012

I am excited about what I am to learn this year, what I am to do this year and How I am to grow this year.

I will delight in the renewal of old connections, the establishing of new connections and the joy of my current connections.

I will not be tempted to create resolutions today, too many are broken in a week, and most forgotten with in a month. 

I will however, determine to live each day for what it is, God given. 

 I will try to not get carried away with my own created plans and learn to wait upon the Lord to see where He would have me. 

I do hope that daily, I reflect upon the joys of knowing Christ and daily I remember to be thankful and honoring with my thoughts and actions.

I hope, that this year I live  in the knowledge that God's love for me is completely, unalterably, and undeniably real.

Happy 2012 everyone!!

Emmanuel

Perhaps it is my work as a therapist, hearing people's painful stories

Perhaps it is the crime filled streets that daily make our papers

Perhaps it is the sorrow threatening to overwhelm my heart knowing a friend is struggling deeply


Perhaps it is the glance into the eyes of a neighbor, who has been pretending to be okay for far too long


Perhaps it is the thought that no matter how much I know, I know there is suffering in every heart


Whatever it is, this world has pain, there is no denying this reality

My world, your world, our world is groaning in pain. 

Pain so deep that as much as we try to ignore it, we know we cannot fix ourselves.

Our marriages, our children, our relationships at work tell us we are broken.

We are imperfect and painfully aware we alone are not enough to heal our own pain.

Into this, our God chose to enter willingly, a baffling thought

He could have chosen to heal us from above, without getting dirty

He could have said this world is beyond repair and leave us on our own.

But instead our God, said I must comfort my people.

I must provide a remedy to the darkness in this world

A remedy that is a solution, not a band-aid. 

A remedy that brings joy to my people while the world around them is in decay

Sorrowfully but willingly, God, the Holy one of Israel sent His perfect solution

He sent his son, to be our Emmanuel, to be with us.

The powerful son, was humbled and dirtied to come as one of us, a child.

He knew his destiny, He knew He was to take on the suffering of this world. 

He knew He was to walk in our pain, to be with us.

He knew he would be rejected, spit upon and ridiculed

He knew he would be subjected to the torturous cross

Yet He came, Our Emmanuel came down to be with us.

The downward spiral of our world was forever altered

Our Emmanuel, changed history when he entered our world

Our Emmanuel,  intervened into our pain filled world and though a child, brought victory

Jesus, a child, was given to us as a remedy to our issue of suffering

All that is required of us is to believe that He loved us so much that he came to save

What joy our Emmanuel brings to a downcast world such as ours.

Rejoice, He came as a child to walk among us,He left a King capable of claiming us as His!

Why do I keep standing on sand?

I was reading Matthew 7: 24-27 this morning as part of a bible study with which I am currently engaged. The idea in this passage is a metaphor used to get us to think about what we have as the foundation for our life. Does your foundation have the ability to weather storms, pounding waves and high winds? Or is your house precariously situated on a foundation that moves with the elements leaving you without security and safety in an ever changing climate called life?

What does the foundation of your life mean? I know that a foundation of a house is the base upon which you build the house. That means, what substance are you trusting to keep your house together, what type of material are you hoping keeps your house firmly standing when the weather changes, storms blow in or during the accumulation of many years of wear and tear on your house. The foundation for a person to stand must also provide stability, shelter and strength.

I want to live in a house that is firmly built on the strongest, most enduring substance ever, something like rock, but really, how do you tell what a person’s life is based upon, how do you recognize just what you have trusted as a foundation for your life?

Those are the questions that stuck with me this morning as I read the passage. I left the reading convinced that I not only wanted a firmer foundation but that I need a firmer foundation. But here is the kicker, I know I have that foundation but there are days and weeks when I am exhausted from standing on the sandy parts of life. So technically I have this foundation but I am somehow for some reason stepping off of it.

  As a Christian, I have a firm foundation for my life, I trust that God has a plan for my life and He is capable of seeing it through. Hence, I have a solid rock foundation. So why then are there days, many days when I live life worrying, fretting, striving without much success. If I have a solid foundation like God why are there days when I feel like I am crumbling, like I cannot keep going, when the uncertainty of life takes over and to continue the metaphor, threatens the very house in which I live? If I am so certain I have God as my rock and foundation why then do I feel like I am living on shifting sand?

I think the metaphor breaks down just a bit here. A house once built remains where it is built. The house cannot decide to move, it remains there firmly upon foundation of rock upon which it was built. Here is the break down, as a Christian there was a time in my life where I recognized that God was the foundation I needed, that the Rock was the only truly safe place upon which to live, and so I was moved from sand to the Rock and lived with joy and peace and found my place in the world.   Sadly, however I must have decided to move at some point and I kept finding myself slipping and sliding down sand dunes not sure if my house will stand?  How did I get from the rock back to the sand upon which I find myself discontented, stressed and ready to crumble? 

I know the rock is the place where I belong, it makes no sense to return to shifting foundations, no sense at all. But all too often I find myself weary from trying to stabilize my own life and finally when I start questioning  things I look down and yet again find my feet in sand trying to manage the weight of life in an ever shifting foundation.

The metaphor of a house breaks down because it is I that moves, a house never moves, but I can and do.  I have the ability to decide what foundation I will stand upon.  I have the ability to make foolish decisions, and frequently I do. They do not always seem foolish at the time, they might actually seem good! But if overtime these decisions lead me away from the Rock, my true foundation, then they were indeed foolish. I think my ego, and pride often lead me away. I see a challenge, a new task and think yes I can do this, forgetting I get my strength from my rock foundation. I step, not purposefully, but step off without much thought. Off my secure foundation and onto the less secure. For a while I get a thrill out of using my strength to survive and manage in this less stable environment. This good feeling can last a while, but after a while I get tired, my stabilizing muscles fatigue and I start to break down, and in the end crumple with exhaustion. I am not always aware that I step off my rock, I wish there were motion detectors for this, but there is not.

The cool thing, the rock will always have a place for me. I will not be replaced when I step off. The Rock keeps my spot, the one I belong in just for me. So no matter how many foolish decisions I make, or how long I step off that rock, He is there waiting for me to step back and find rest in Him.

Despite the fact that I know, that I have tasted, that I have experienced the stability of standing on the rock there is something innate in me that wrongly tells me that I can stand on sand and be okay. While I am still here on this earth, it will be a daily conscious effort to pay attention to what foundation upon which I stand.  I want to remember daily that the Rock is good, that security in this ever shifting world is needed and that to stay with and on the Rock, requires a conscientious effort, every day, every hour every minute.

Joy comes in

This blog was inspired by my dog Bruno. Due to his extreme passion for hunting cats, Bruno has to live as a yard dog and is not allowed inside.  We made a dog house for him, okay we did not make it we tipped over an old water tank, cleaned it and put in a blanket. At first Bruno did not love his dog house, it was too far way from his people (us) so often he would choose to stay on the porch (even in the rain) in the hopes that his people would make their way out of the backdoor. We had however a very long rainy season and started to feel sorry for this foolish but loyal dog, so we moved his house to just off the porch. With his new vantage point he can see when his people come to the door and Bruno comes running! He finally takes shelter in the rain and I do belive he quite likes his shelter. I have included a picture of this house to show you how primitive it is, even just today when I took the picture there were grass clippings stuck to the inside walls of the house due to the humidity and a freshly cut lawn. It is not pretty, in fact it really ought to be called a shack, not a house.

I went outside last night to say hi, Bruno was not there.  He usually greets me at the door and then does a little dance with some awesome vocalizations, but this time, Bruno was no where to be seen.  I looked out into the dark and saw his curled up figure in his shack, I wondered why he was not coming to me. In the shadow I could see his little stump of a tail trying to wag, but nothing else. He has spotted me but still did not come running. It was then I decided to go to him, I made my way off and around the porch and to the opening of Bruno's shack. Grasping the tree in the doorway I crouched down and looked in. Bruno was lying comfortably but it was obvious he did not have the energy to get up. Bruno sufferers from arthritis  in his deformed hind legs. He was like this when we got him as a foster, and though he is  much healthier he is still feeling the effects of years of neglect and abuse in his first 7 years or so of life.

leaning in for a hug

 I was not shocked at his lack of energy, there was proof all around the gardens that he had been digging for lizards  all day, an activity I can imagine quickly catches up with his aged body. Seeing he needed some love and affection, I humbled myself, crouched even further, contorted my body and made my way next to Bruno. His stubby tailed wagged harder, yet he did not move. I reached over to stroke his back and he uttered a sigh of contentment. Soon after Bruno decided to move over so he could be even closer to me, it was a lovely moment during a the star filled evening. It was actually quite joyful.

Bruno is so happy to have a visitor

Here are two pictures we reenacted for the camera this morning as it was too dark for photos last night as it would have ruined the moment

As we we were just sitting there, I took a big breath and started to look around. I was sitting on a dirty blanket, leaning against a grassy, dirty wall and petting a dog that was still filthy from digging in the garden.  The more I thought about it, the more it was quite disgusting, but just then Bruno lifted his head and licked my hand. It was his way to say thank you and to show his appreciation for my visit to his domain. Any disgusting thought was vanquished and my heart filled with love and affection for this misshapen dirty dog whose only care in the world was to be shown love.

What struck me last night was this, If I were Bruno sore, dirty and in a shack I probably would not have desired any visitors, instead I would have shunned any offers and avoided any contact. I might have been ashamed that I did not have it all together, or that my house was out of order or too small, I would have been embarrassed at my appearance and I would have missed out on the joy that offered to come to me.

We do that with God. So often we think we need to have it all together to approach him, so often we avoid inviting him in because we are embarrassed with our current conditions. We think, when I get my family in order then I can talk to God, when I figure out my depression then I can talk to God, or when I know I can do more things for Him then I can talk to God. But that is not the case. God comes to u, He comes to sit with us dirt and all. Not only does he come to us, He humbles himself, gets dirty  and comes to see us in our current condition. no strings attached, joy comes to us.

I am so grateful for Bruno's example last night of just being himself. He reminded me that God is always with me, not just when I have it together. God  is particularly present  when I am particularly out of sorts. God brings me Joy when I need it the most, in the midst of life's messes.

thanks Bruno for showing me how to accept the Joy that is offered even when life is not perfect.

shine on my friends

Swagga!! Do you have it?

I had an incredible opportunity to attend a women of faith event this weekend  with a group of some of the best women that God has ever made. I have so much to blog about and promise to continue my joy blog series in the near future but due to popular demand from the ladies surrounding me this past weekend here is my blog about our favorite teaching, swagga. The word  came from the amazing group Mary Mary (pictured below)  and stayed in our hearts  during the rest of the weekend.

 Swagga, what a strange word, most of us do not know what it is. It is derived from the word swag, which to most, including me, still requires some definition. Is it something you find in your home?  There is an architectural element that is called a swag but that is not what I learned about this weekend.   Is swag what celebrities get when they present for award shows?  S.w.a.g, also know as "stuff we all get",  are promotional items like diamond encrusted cell phones for Oscar presenters or free pens for signing up for a new credit card, that is Swag not swagga. Perhaps swagga is some different kind of language? Perhaps, but let me explain. Swag, according to the urban dictionary is: The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style and demeanor. So yes, I guess that swagga is a type of language as it sends a message to others announcing what you know and believe about who you are.


Ever been alone in a crowded room and some one yells your name in recognition? That feeling, the  instant you feel included or appreciated, is swagga. Ever been in a restaurant and get noticed or talked to by the highly esteemed owner who treated you like a long lost friend? Remember the smile, the walk, the way you held your head high after that..that is a type of swagga. You were recognized out loud by someone of high esteem, that felt great. So how does this translate to a Christian women's conference? Are we not supposed to be all meek and mild? As Christian women we are to be a lot of things but being shy about who we are, no way. We are supposed to have swagga.


You can have swagga anytime anywhere. All you have to do is be proud of your status as daughter of the King, and you can show some swag. It is easy to show swag when you feel like you look good or have done something awesome, but that is not what I am talking about. The swagga in reference from this weekend  is the swag that comes from knowing you belong, knowing you have a place in this world and knowing who is your daddy! The world can so quickly strip away the swag we make ourselves, through criticism, unkind words or indifference. We can dive from head held high to nose on the ground hunched over posture in seconds when our homemade swagga fails. But the swagga that comes from knowing who we are in God cannot be taken. 


This weekend, we were reminded that we are known and loved by the very one who created us. The  people who cherish their relationship with God above all else have a swagga, the way the carry themselves is unexplained without God. Peace in the midst of a family turmoil? That is swagga, Joy in the midst of tears, Swagga! And you know that it is only swagga from knowing God that keeps people in their ability to face the unknown. People will notice and should notice a difference.  There is not audible voice causing others to turn their heads towards you, but others do recognize a difference when  joy and peace shines clearly in your life no matter what the circumstances.

I remember way back in high school, Jason, one of my guy friends asked me, Allie why are you always so happy? I believe he was not noticing my happiness but my joy. I did not correct him, I was kinda shy around boys, even those who were my friends but I knew the answer. I was exhibiting swagga from my relatively new faith in the Lord. To this day I still wish I was bold enough to say Jason, what you are seeing is God shining through me, thanks for noticing!




Time has flown by, but I still remember that day clearly. The world and time has done some damage on my swagga, I have let it get muddled with the temporary swagga from the world. I know my God given swagga can still shine brightly for it never loses light, but I am afraid that as the years have gone by  I have not let my swag out in public all that often. This women of faith conference challenged me to live boldly with the swagga confidence that can only come from the Lord. 


Isaiah 43:4 tells us what God thinks about His children:  
"you are precious and honored in my sight, I love you." 


Can it get any better than that, really can it? I think not. Everyone no matter who they are longs for acceptance and love, God generously gives this to all His children and in abundance. So hold your head high and walk with swagga 'cause you are loved and you are His!


Want to get swagga? true swag that cannot be tainted or taken by the world? Well just contemplate how if feels to hear God say, "hey..that 's my girl. I made her to make a difference, now taken notice!" Then walk with intention, head held high, knowing you have a place in this world. 


shine on and live with swagga!