Virtually Alive

It all started with my daughter asking me to down load an app for my iPhone. She thought it was awesome and wanted to have shared experience with me. What harm could it do I thought? What harm? If  only I  had my future self  with me at the time to kibosh the download and slap me in to reality.Sadly,  future self was nowhere to be found and this app was downloaded  and my virtual life was born. The app is called Virtual Family. A game where, well, where you  have a virtual family, virtual career, and virtual home.

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 If I am to enjoy a game I need it to be an escape, a distraction from the real world and this game was not. I had to virtually make the meals, which took an extraordinary length of time. I had to virtually pick up socks. I had to virtually work in my office.  I had to virtually deal with infertility problems. I had to virtually discipline my children and the funniest part I had to virtually deal with spam email?
 Really? one look at the game and I ought to have said, bye bye you are not for me. Alas, that was not my reality, never did I see the light instead I  choose to see my virtual world in the palm of my hand.

 I attended to my virtual life diligently, making sure my virtual children remain alive, ensuring I work hard enough in the virtual world to attain career advancements and still daily pick up virtual socks. Heaven forbid that I do not pick up those socks!! Yep. I have left the realm of sane and jumped right to crazy.
I sit there on my couch, picking up virtual socks, while (and this is what prompted my blog) quite literally there are a pile of unmatched socks at my feet awaiting sorting.

The real world for those minutes (okay..ashamedly hours) I played rushed by me without notice and continued on without my attention.  I was slowly becoming unaware and removed from my real world.

Now pay attention, because this next bit might just be for me  but I had to include it in my blog. I look at my spiritual life. A life I claim as the most important thing about who I am. A life that I put a great deal of effort into, but so often I fear I might be missing out on the real spiritual experiences. I sit with my journal, and write about experiences I want to collect with God and things I want to live for, from the comfort of my couch. I pray for my real friends but not in their presence. I seek truth in God's word but fail to truly implement it in my real living. I seek God with all my heart on my couch but when I arise I often forget that I need to continue to seek. How can I have such an impressive spiritual walk with God on a couch and such a lackluster walk when I get off the couch? Perhaps I am someone virtually living  but not fully living spiritually. Am I just virtually alive?

Okay, wait just a second. I will never diminish the importance of my "couch time" with God. It is those moments that strengthen me, shape me and remind me of who I am. I know that without those moments I would not have survived. I am not at all reducing the importance of those moments, I am simply pointing out that in my life, perhaps I am not really experiencing all God has in store for me because off the couch I focus on me and not Him. Perhaps, I am living  somewhat of a " virtual" Christian life defined by the dimensions of my couch and the color of the ink I use to scribe my thoughts in my journal.

I think here is the problem, I can comfortably control my behavior and others from the couch. I can comfortably involve myself in loving God's people without being in their presence.  I am really not interacting with them. Interacting would take a different sort of courage, a braver person who has better risk taking skills.

 Just because I am an introvert does not mean I should choose to live my life in the safety of my controlled world. Why not put the pen down and experience all I am writing about in real time. That would be down right scary. That would require more  than I possess. That would most assuredly make me uncomfortable. Here is  the reason why I am not more in real life; I cannot control those around me, and sometimes they make me uncomfortable. There I said it, I like control and planning and living in real life does not let me have enough of it. I am  aware that often my biggest most fulfilling spiritual moments are during my couch time. God calls to be a light in this world, it is hard to do that from your couch. I want my biggest awareness of God to be doing His work, engaging with His people and shining His light brightly when I can only see darkness.  Now that is real living.

I know from here my next steps will be to be more willing to get out there and experience God through all sorts of people and  occasions. I know that  and I am determined I want to do this better. I want this not because it will make my life so much more full , although I know it will. I want to do it because I want to glorify God in all of my life not just during my couch time. I want to know and experience God in all aspects of my world and not be merely virtually alive. I want to be alive in the fullest!

Shine on my friends.. now encourage me to get off my couch and go out and live!
Allie

Waiting for the Anvil to Drop.

The last weekend of October found me in South Florida, at a Women of Faith conference with some of the most amazing women in my life, but I was flinching. I was flinching because I was waiting for the figurative cartoon anvil to drop from the sky onto my head. It is an anvil that God has used before to catch my attention and get me thinking differently. It is an anvil that leaves quite a mark on my life. It is an anvil that God has to use often on a stubborn, stuck in her own way of thinking kind of girl like me. I knew there was one with my name on it and I was waiting for it to drop, holding my breath and wondering what it would mean when it did.

Traditionally, well traditionally in cartoons, anvils are suspended in air until the unsuspecting  Road Runner, walks under the contraption, after which it is let go by the Coyote and BAM the Coyote has procured  his now flattened dinner. Well, in my life, the anvil is not dropped maliciously but rather intentionally.  Once I have been hit, my world cannot stay the same. I will be forced to change. With God being the Coyote in this rather crude analogy the anvil then has a good purpose but the anvil drop still hits with a huge BAM in my life. 

Case in point; The first Women of Faith event for me was at the end of 2009, during which I knew that my husband was entertaining a call to the Bahamas, one that I was NOT in favor of. I went to the conference with hesitation  no way did I want to hear from God. I was good the way I was thank you very much, no need to move me. I sat in the conference fighting this thought entirely. BAM. God said Allie, at least start to consider this, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
While I would never have been able verbalize this  at the time, it was that weekend, that I began to even contemplate the idea of moving countries, leaving family and friends and giving up my practice. BAM. 

So this year I went, wondering just what I was to hear, what kind of anvil was I going to be hit with, please Lord.. do not let it be that much change again.. please.
 History suggests, okay Allie's history says Anvils come from women's conferences, be aware. Okay I was. But the circumstances that surrounded my group getting there made me very aware that this anvil was going to be big! From Hurricane Sandy causing my Bahamian friends (or the majority of them) to be  unable to travel, to the very strange reasons for plane delays from my Canadian friends to a huge transponder in South Florida blowing up next to me when I was in a restaurant waiting for my group, plunging us and the whole of three blocks into massive darkness. I was left only watching and waiting for something big that was about to drop on my head. I could not even guess what it was.

So I waited. In the conference I literally was holding my breath when a new speaker took the  stage, I thought for sure this was it but the anvil never dropped.It was not until mid way through the second  and last day of the conference that I began to realize what was happening. 

My fearless group leader and awesome friend Diana!

I realized that the anvil this time was not in the form of a giant cartoon metal object that was going to drastically change my life direction, this time it was in the form of a gentle whisper from God. Reminding me, I was his, telling me of his love for me. Reinforcing in me a faith so deep I cannot find the words to accurately write about it. 
It was a resonating of my heart to His; that was the anvil. Not the pulsating ache of a life to be drastically  altered. What joy that was, what peace. I had  struggled since the move to Nassau with keeping Joy and there is was, God reminding me I had it. 

Meeting the woman whose music heals my heart! Mandisa!

Gentle whispers are harder to hear. The roar of the crowd distracted  me. The circumstances that tried to prevent all of us from being there distracted me and made me look for a  giant message waiting to plummet downwards towards me at impossible speeds. But this anvil, was found in God's quite but powerful whisper. It was one that was only noticed when I found stillness midst the roaring crowd of the conference. 

Life lesson? even people like me who tend to take on life at breakneck speed need to stop and listen for the quiet whisper from the One who has your life in His hands. It is in those moments when you hear His whisper that your soul will resonate with His and you will know that you are loved. Stop looking for huge anvil messages, the most power ones are often waiting for you in the quite moments of life.

Shine on my friends and if you sense an anvil is heading your way, don't duck He knows what he is doing!
Allie

Kind of a big deal.

  I once had a shirt that said "I'm kind of a big deal" written on the front. I wish I still had it because for once wearing it would not feel like a stretch. This past month I have been doing my "Book the Author" event at schools around Nassau. Let me tell you, these readings have been a sincere highlight for me and the way the children have responded to me have indeed made me feel like I was kind of a big deal! 

Don't worry, I am not tooting my horn in this blog. Trust me, I still have to drive my own dented car, return home to cook dinner and my clothes are only washed when  I meet them  in the laundry room with soap in hand. So no need to bring me back to reality, I am well versed in the everyday life. But for  a few moments at a time when I am reading to the students I do feel like a bit of a rock star! But more than that, I love it because I am doing something  I was created to do and I sincerely do not want to take the credit for what God has done in my life.

The children when they approached me after the reading often want to meet me and speak with me, remember the only competition I have in that moment is  for them to return to math class so yeah, I am the runaway favorite.  Instead of standing there telling all about how awesome I am, because in the moment I think they would believe anything I say,  I purposely try to  turn the tables on them. 

 I will often encourage them to write their own story, take risks with things they want to see done in their lives and mostly remind them that their story counts. In the end I hope  they go away not just meeting an author but feeling encouraged and inspired to write their own story because everyone has a story to tell, everyone. 

There is one particular moment that took place after I was finished a reading that I want to relate to you, not just because it was perhaps one of the sweetest moments but I think there is a grander tale to learn from all of this. I had just finished reading to a group of near 300 students when I notice a beautiful boy in grade 2 waiting just to my side until the crowds had thinned. I turned to him and crouched down. I shook his hand and asked him his name. He told me and then drew closer to me and said, in a bold but quiet voice," would you like to see my illustrations?" He looked down, hoping but not counting on a positive answer from me. "Of course" I said, " I would love to!" You cannot imagine his smile.

 I stood back up and asked him to show me, when I was promptly grabbed and turned to the opposite direction by another waiting student who assumed that my rising was the sign that I was done this conversation and began asking me about 5 questions at once. It was during this time I lost sight of my budding illustrator. 10 minutes passed and I assumed he had been whisked away with his class and I had lost my chance to speak with him again. I started to pack up my materials and thanked the librarian for such a great opportunity when she pointed me to the door where my little illustrator was waiting. Not just waiting, but patiently waiting and holding the door open for me to follow him. He must have been there the full 10 minutes since we spoke. 

I approached him and said I was glad to still see him as I thought I had lost him. "No",  he replied "I was just waiting for you to come and see my drawings, they are in the classroom."  I asked him to show the way. I felt like Alice in Wonderland trying to follow the excited rabbit, down the corridors he went and around corners, I often lost sight of him only to turn the corner and see him waiting for me.We finally arrived at the classroom, where he went straight to his desk to get his drawings. He handed them carefully to me for inspection. I could feel his eyes boring a hole through mine as he studied me studying his illustrations. 

"You did these all by yourself?" I asked. He grinned and  proudly told me yes. "They are excellent" I said, "just excellent". We talked about how he came up with the ideas, and what others he had drawn that currently were not available to show (meaning they were at his house). When we finished I asked him again how old he was, he replied 8. I told him then when he is done college in about 13 years he needs to look me up so we can do a book together, I will write it and he will illustrate it.  It was a special moment. This young boy felt so appreciated, so worthy of attention, so important, in the end he felt like he was kind of a big deal. 

Let me bring this long example to a bigger meaning. We were all born with a purpose, all of us. All of us have  a story, have something to show that is uniquely ours, it is a gift that we have been given to use for a greater purpose.  Let others see them, let yourself see them but most of all let the One who gave you your gifts and talents see you shine a light in this world through them. 

The little boy, my budding illustrator is figuring out he shines greatly, not just through his ability to draw but through his willingness to show himself truly. Did you notice he waited  to be able to show me, that took a lot of patience for an 8 year old. But he knew it was important to bring his drawings and his new friend Allie together  so he waited. We as adults do not wait very well, even more noticeably we do not wait well when we are feeling vulnerable. So instead of waiting to shine, we deny we can and move away so to avoid disappointment should  others not approve. This boy, waited despite protests from his friends that he was needed on the playground, despite  teachers asking him what he was doing, he waited because he knew his gift needed to be seen, that there was a part of him that could shine and he was determined. It was this determination that made the moment even more special, more rock star like, and because of it this boy shone greatly.

 Don't ever deny that you were created to shine. You are not just kind of a big deal, you are a big deal whether you know it or not.  Never stop looking for that purpose and never stop shining God's light into this world through the gifts he has given you.

Shine on my Rock star friends.. you are brilliant..even if you do not know it yet.

Allie

A First Reading and Perhaps a First Telling.

Yesterday was amazing. I had the privilege of reading my book I Can't Sleep at St. Andrews International School of the Bahamas. I originally thought I would be reading to year 2 children but when I arrived I realized I was mistaken and I was booked to read to the year 4 children. How perfect I thought because the protagonist in my book is a little boy in grade 4! 

I cannot put into words, which is strange for me, how amazing was this first reading of my book. So instead I will give you a few highlights. 

First, the children, were amazing. They were so well behaved and intent on taking in all that was talked about and considering it was three classes worth of year 4 students that is a great feat!

Secondly, they loved the story. I loved seeing their faces and hearing their little giggles at some of the illustrations and wording of the book. I think it was a hit!

Thirdly, I think the lesson of my book was understood. We discussed what it was like to be worried and that it is a normal thing to experience. My goal was to normalize that we will all experience worry at some point in our life but that the trick was to keep it to the proper size and not let it take over.

Lastly, and this is my favourite part, these children asked some amazing questions and made amazing comments. These questions were varied and all interesting  but I wanted to share the one common statement that came up time and time again. I will call it, the telling.

Once the event was over, as it had taken place in the library  they children went about their business to find a book to check out for the week. I found my self surrounded by eager children that wanted to speak to me. More than a few times, the child I was speaking with asked me if it was okay to tell me their worry. "Can I tell you my worry?" they would speak in hushed tones. I was honoured that they felt comfortable enough to tell me one of their worries. They disclosed worries about tests, athletic endeavors, friendship concerns and ill relatives.  By their telling, they brought me into their world even if only for 10 seconds, to share the load of their worry.

What did I take away from this? We need to tell more, we need to not let ideas about what the world will think of us, stop us from admitting we have concerns or worries. By telling, we admit we do not have all the answers. By telling we share the load of our world with someone who is ready to listen and care. I was reminded today by a wonderful group of year 4 students that telling to someone who cares is an vital part of how to live life successfully.
Shine on my friends!

Now!!

 I have a devotional reading book entitled Jesus Calling; written by Sarah Young.  I find it quite unbelievable that almost every time I read  it I feel like it was written just for me, the very theme I  find myself struggling with is usually the very theme upon which Sarah Young is commenting.  Today was no different, with a list of all the things I needed to do on my "day off" today quite literally by my side but still buzzing in my head I sat down to spend a few moments reading, praying and thinking.  Sarah Young's words jumped at me  and like a cartoon anvil awaiting the cartoon cat which never misses it's target these words hit hard. "Fantasizing about future happiness will never bring fulfillment, because fantasy is unreality." "Bring your moments to ME, and I will fill them with vibrant Joy. Now is the time to rejoice in My presence!"

     I was caught, list in hand, thinking fulfillment would happen once I was able to cross off all my things to do. I was challenged to stop and remember God's presence in the NOW and stop fantasizing about the future where things were done. Really if this is my fantasy I think I need to get out more! But seriously most of us will spend the majority of our day in contemplation of things completed and dreaming of future happiness when things seem more manageable.

With journal in hand I began my prayer as I sough God's guidance as to how to best learn to live in the now. Below is my journal entry if it of use to you make it your prayer, if not make your own.

Lord
Let me give my moments to you, let me rejoice in the Now. No matter what Now is, let me rejoice in the now because you are with me. Let me not miss out on awesome moments with you because I am looking too far ahead or insist on keeping my eyes focused on the past. You are everywhere but the only place I can experience you fully is in the now. NOW. I know you are both behind me and before me in time but my limited  human brain can only let me experience you now.

It is the now that fuels the future, seeing, experiencing your fullness now gives me hope, gives me strength for what.. not tomorrow but for the now. Strength provided for the now, for what you want me to do Now.
You do not expect me to use my gifts of now tomorrow, you expect me to use it now. You will provide tomorrow's  grace when I need it, tomorrow. Let me try not to store up, hide away or hoard the gift of now. Let me live fully in it. Let me live freely in it and when tomorrow comes and my next now is given, let me rejoice again. You are and will always be to the very end of the ages with me. Now, let me go out knowing the gift of Now is the very presence of my King.

Shine on my friends,
Allie

Ham and Cheese family!

2 of the 3 MacPhail's  represented at Ham and Cheese night!

Upon deciding we needed a family night, we, the MacPhail family headed out to the movies and then to a relatively unimpressive restaurant, just to be with one another in an uninterrupted way. We had a blast laughing through out Ice Age 4. The only argument was when we accused each other of hogging the popcorn, but we pushed through and shared appropriately. 

There was a a beautiful song during the end credits entitled We Are. I have included the lyrics below, which I think quite describes us. One of the characters new to this sequel was Syd's antiquated sloth grandmother who is somewhat senile and often nonsensical. During the closing song all the characters take a turn singing the line "we are family", when grandma comes on screen she messes up the line and sings, "we are ham and cheese". The line gets quite a laugh from those who remain to watch the end credits. Although she is corrected, she keeps singing ham and cheese instead of family. At then end, she harmonizes just fine with all the others who are singing the correct line. 

Ice Age, from its beginning speaks to what family can be like. A bunch of misfits who find a place to belong and call their own. Even in Ice Age 4, after 3 movies of solidifying the original misfit family, Syd, Manny and Diego continue to include those who are really not allowed by societies rules to fit into what is considered normal. Ice Age has created what I am now calling the ham and cheese families of the world. 

This message of finding your place speaks volumes to me. In a world where I often feel inadequate, too small, and ill-equipped to belong I find my own ham and cheese family right there beside me supporting and loving me as I am. Amazing isn't it.

I have to tell you, my ham and cheese family does not stop with the three MacPhails. I am part of a much larger inadequate, inadequate and imperfect family, God's. God did not call us into his family because we are typical or ordinary, he calls us into his family because he wants us how He created us; imperfect and ill-equipped, He gives us what is needed to shine for Him, we need not even try to bring that ourselves. We, God's family, are the perfect ham and cheese family, we might look different, and we might act different, but we have found a place to belong and friends, there is nothing..nothing greater than knowing where you belong. 

We are  By Keke Palmer

We are, we are

Not your ordinary fami-mily

But we can all agree that

We are, we are

Close as close can be

So it don’t matter what it looks like

We look perfect to me

We got every kind of lover

We’re so lucky indeed

They can keep on talking

It don’t matter to me cause

We are, we are family

We are are are are (We are are)

We are are are are (We are are)

We are are are are (We are are)

We are, we are family, family, family

We are, we are family

So what?

We don’t look, we don’t act

We don’t walk, we don’t talk

Like you do

So what?

If we hang just a hang and no shame

We both do what we want to

Cause we come from everywhere

Searching for ones to care

Somehow we found it here

We found us a home

We are, we are

Not your ordinary fami-mily

But we can all agree that

We are, we are

Close as close can be

So it don’t matter what it looks like

We look perfect to me

We got every kind of lover

We’re so lucky indeed

They can keep on talking

It don’t matter to me cause

We are, we are family

Ok, so the links in our chains makes us strange

But really they make us stronger

And no one would replace not a thing

Mother or father

Cause we…

Cause we come from everywhere

Searching for ones to care

Somehow we found it here

We found us a home

We are, we are

Not your ordinary fami-mily

But we can all agree that

We are, we are

Close as close can be

So it don’t matter what it looks like

We look perfect to me

We got every kind of lover

We’re so lucky indeed

They can keep on talking

It don’t matter to me cause

We are, we are family

(Family)

(We are, we are)

We are, we are family

I wrote a book!

I wrote a book!

Very rarely will I shout out my accomplishments; but in a blog it is not so much a shout but more of a sentence with emphasis. My absence on the blog has been felt dearly in my heart these past few months. The time usually spent on my weekly blog was ousted by the push to finalize my first book and get it into print. I do not regret the time spent on this push but I did dearly miss my blogging. Today, I happily introduce my new book and just as joyfully reconnect with my blog.

I Can't Sleep 

I wrote this book about 4 years ago, I wrote it all in one sitting during one night at my cottage in Arden Ontario when, you guessed it I could not sleep. Often when I Can't Sleep I will get up and journal, read scripture and pray. When I Can't Sleep it is usually due to the current anxieties of my day, real or otherwise, beginning to take over and filling my mind with thoughts and images that are far bigger than they really need to be.

My main character, laying wide awake in his darkened room.

The night I wrote this book my anxieties were really not that different than other time, it was a typical sleepless night.What was atypical was that after my time of journalling and praying I realized how out of control my anxieties had gotten. To quote many including my mother my brain had "created a mountain out of a mole hill" growing my restlessness into anxiety. Examining the Allie made mountain that night exposed the unnatural growth of my anxieties and brought them back to manageable size. The phrase "I Can't Sleep" repeated in my head as I made of list of my worries. The line; I can' t sleep because (fill in the blank)  monopolized the pages of my journal, some of them actually were quite humorous due to the exaggerated size of them.  I started laughing at my mind's ability to make my reality so absurd. As I laughed at myself, the idea for this book hit. I stayed up longer than I needed to to write it, but as dawn drew near I had in my hands the first draft of I Can't Sleep. 

A starfish nightlight, a favorite of mine

I loved the story from the start but as I worked with the amazing illustrator Jace McKinney and watched it visually take shape, I grew to love it even more. The little boy in the story is not just for kids, he represents all of us at one time or another  as we let our worries take up larger room in our head than they need to. I hope you enjoy this book and I would love feedback when you have time.

How to get this book

Canadian and US customers: can visit www.alliemacphail.com/#turtlebackpublishing

and order your copy(s) for delivery. Be sure to indicate if you want your book signed or personalized!

Nassau residents: You can contact me at turtlebackpublishing@live.com for a signed or personalized copy. Also, you can visit the following stores in Nassau who are currently carrying the book, more stores will be added shortly!

Bahama Sol

Doongalik Studios

Exaggerated worries take different shapes

Bahama Art and Handicraft

Nassau Stationers

Book Synopsis

Follow the creative mind of a fourth grade boy as he struggles to fall asleep.  Friends and family have given him advice but it does not work. What ever will he do? How will he ever sleep with all of these worries? Will he ever get out of the fourth grade? Never fear! Mom and Dad hear their son’s struggle and come to save the night with an ingenious plan that helps their son find a sense of confidence as he learns to better handle his worries and troubles.

Included in this book is a letter to parents from the author, Allie MacPhail. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, Allie recognizes that our worries can sometimes get the better of us causing, among other things, sleepless nights. Creatively written, and beautifully illustrated, this entertaining book demonstrates one method parents can use to help their children have a good night sleep.

a few scenes from the book