Fighting Joy

It all started one summer afternoon at my cottage in Ontario. Admittedly I was having an off day so I took some time to spend alone with God and His word and filled my journal with thoughts. This question came to me; "Allie, why are you fighting My joy?". Sure I was having a bit of an off day that day, sure I was not as patient as I needed to be with my child, and not as kind as I could have been with my husband, but fighting joy? really who fights joy? The question was more of a statement but seriously I was shocked, who does not want joy in their life? Why would anyone fight joy. Don't most of us in this world pursue joy over most anything? Whether they are looking for joy in a bottle or joy in a sunset, is there not something deep within all of us that seeks joy?  But once I remembered the statement I needed to reevaluate my shock, God did not say Allie why are you fighting joy,  he said why are you fighting MY joy. Perhaps, thought I, I do fight His joy. Perhaps God is onto something and perhaps I need examine the truth of this statement in my life. So off to my journal and God's word I went to try to figure out what this all meant.

Now here is the humbling part, this statement was realized in July of 2011, it is now October 2011 and I am still in the  process of figuring this out. I quickly realized that this was not just a yes or no question, that the idea of fighting joy is a huge concept that will require  months if not years to figure out.  This was the very thing that created some of my previously mentioned writers block.

 My first instinct was that I was not "normal" a word I highly discourage but used nonetheless. That perhaps I was the only one in the history of the world that has ever fought God's joy. But as I carried around these thoughts and watch the rest of humanity around me, I realized I might not be alone in my nonsensical battle against the truest joy ever offered. So here I am letting you to in on my quest and asking you to join me if you so desire.

This topic requires vulnerability, more than I care to share on a blog, but I am willing. This topic requires humility, more than I possess,but faking that I know all the answers does not work. All of that should scare me away from writing this, but, this is a journey that  is imperative for me to follow in order to live the life I want to live, one of Joy. So here I am opening my heart in a public  forum and stating that I am willing to share some of my findings with you. I have no idea where it will end but I trust it will bring me closer to the God I love and live for.


 I would love feedback or comments at any time as this is a process. Feel free to email me at alliemacphail@live.com if you do not care to leave a comment below.