A Surprise is brewing!

Shhh!! I am planning a surprise! I cannot tell you yet what it is as I do not want to chance it being ruined. I will tell you all about it after, I promise. Just a few more days I promise I have some time to kill while I  restlessly await the next stage of my surprise plan, so I figured lets use that energy to blog. Blogging makes me feel I am telling the world about my plans without ruining the surprise!

I have been planning this surprise, with help, for easily 6 months now. I still cannot believe I have kept it in so well. I have told a chosen few. Some of whom are assisting with the plan some of whom are friends who keep my secret well hidden for me!


This surprise is really for someone else, sure I will enjoy it too, okay I will enjoy it a lot, but it truly began for someone else's enjoyment! For months I have pictured this person at the big reveal, the moment that they  are aware that they were the focus of a 6 month long planning period. I have pictured their face, their words their smile.. Yes it will be great, I am so excited to see this happen. It was anticipating their response that made me keep this a secret. It would not be as perfect if they new ahead of time, it would not be the right time in their life, nor would it be as enjoyed.

God does these kinds of things too. He has plans for us. Plans that have been in place since before we were born. So often I have begged with Him to let me in on the plan, pleaded my case that it would be better for me to know ahead of time. Whatever the situation was, big or small, God knew when to reveal it to me. It was always perfect. As I look back and laugh at the impatience I had (and still have) I wonder when I will learn. I need to remember that God has  a plan, one that is perfectly timed, lovingly crafted and will be undoubtedly impeccably executed. 


As I reflect on  my surprise for this person I cannot help but wonder all the things God has in store for me. I wonder if He eagerly anticipates my future reactions with as much anticipation as I have for my big reveal. In all things I need to remember, He has me. He has always had me in his plans. I trust that whatever they are and whenever they are revealed I can and will see all the reasoning behind the timing of the plans being revealed.


Shine on my friends and waiting trust.. God has you in mind!

Even new traditions can be revised

New tradition, a phrase without much logic. How can something be a tradition if it is new? Not sure but that is what I am choosing to use to describe what Anya and I have begun. A new tradition has taken shape
in the life of my daughter and I. Whenever she feels like things at school are a bit much or a tad confusing Anya requests a squishy time with me. It is a time, just for the two of us, right before bed when the world gets set aside and we can just talk. It is not very frequent but when it happens it is so beautiful. I let Anya be the director of our squishy time, when it happens and what we talk about. My heart overflows with joy as we sit in her dimmed room and I am privileged to hear the beautiful heart of an almost 10 year talk about her worries, thoughts and philosophies of life.

The time is called squishy time because we each hold a squishy toy, like the ones I have in my office when I work with my clients. Holding these in our hands is a symbol that we can talk about whatever we want and have a really good chance at being heard. It means any frustrations between each other during the day, for example this evening when I asked three times before she put something away,  or when I was a little on edge with her, is forgotten. Squishy time, means you will be heard, you will be loved for whatever you can bring. It is a beautiful new tradition in our lives.

Tonight, Anya and I had a squishy time. I on the bean bag, she on her bed. The lights were dimmed and we settled in to our comfy talk positions. Anya started the conversation when we were suddenly interrupted. Snickers, our amazingly "special" potcake entered the room. We had forgotten to shut the door. I snapped my fingers and pointed out, this was a time for Anya and I, we needed  no distractions during our squishy time.  Snickers backed slowly out of the room and took off down the hall. I did not feel very badly but I did feel some guilt. Snickers has special attention needs and they were not being met all because I did not want anything to interrupt our new squishy time tradition.

Anya and I got into the heart of the matter and I was about to speak when something caught my eye. Snickers had returned. Normally Snickers barges in and jumps on whoever is available to cuddle, this time Snickers remained at the door waiting for an invitation to come in. As I looked further, both Anya and I melted at the same time. Snickers had brought her chew toy to the door and when we made eye contact she dropped the toy at the opening of the door, tilted her head and looked longingly at the the two of us. This might sound crazy but it was like she was saying, can I have some squishy time too, I brought the mandatory toy! Anya and I paused to admire the scene that was out of any Hollywood movie, our conversation not broken, just on hold . Anya invited Snickers in and  as she did Snickers bent down, picked up her toy and trotted to Anya's bed to take her spot in the cue for sharing your heart.

It was a quick  but a very sweet and memorable moment. Usually nothing interrupts Anya and I during our squishy talk but tonight even with our tradition being a new one we decided to revise the rules to meet the need of our very sweet and needy potcake.

 I would like to take this moment to tell you that I am still sane and that  Snickers did not go in to a lengthy diatribe on the perils of being at home all day with out a human, but Snickers did  watch Anya and I intently as we connected deeply on the issue that both of us were undeniably human. Snickers, like Anya, like myself, like you; sought connection. We revised the rules to our new tradition of squishy time to accommodate the needs of another. It was different but it still worked.

Here is today's take home. Rethink your traditions, whether they are old or new, rethink them to make sure they are still meeting the needs for which they were created. Perhaps, there is a need for a revision  to the practice of these traditions to let others find benefit.  Don't get stuck in ways that have always been, you never know what they can become if you let them.

Shine on my friends and my your traditions feel ever new!

Paint: A fresh coat of lies.

 Anya, my daughter has been  wanting to have her room updated for a long time now. We moved into a furnished house when we moved to Nassau and we are grateful for that, however as we ourselves did not pick out the furnishings it lacks, how you say, a MacPhail touch. So since my parents were in town for two weeks and Anya was off school. We decided this weekend was the time to begin the transformation of Anya's room, into something she could call her own. We decided to proceed with the biggest decor impact on the room and paint.

I love painting, I mean I really love painting. It feels so fresh and clean like a new start for a room. The idea and the process of painting is somewhat transformative. Bringing something new and exciting to something old,worn and tired.  I am not sure why I have waited until now, almost two years into our life here in Nassau to paint, whatever the reason for my delay, my excitement was palpable. Excited to hold a paint brush for the first time in at least 3 years, we got started.

Anya's room is fairly small, with two large windows and a large closet, making painting very quick work.  Anya, my dad and I finished the room in just over an hour. With the first coat applied, we stood back and admired.  The colour was beautiful, and the room even without decorative touches and furniture was showing a bold new personality. But. time forces even the most impatient person, me, to wait. Nothing could be done until the first coat was dry. Determining that the next coat, if needed was to be put on the wall the next day, I closed the door of Anya's room and left the drying process alone.  Every few hours I would peek in, and admire. My fresh paint bliss however did not last long. Every time I went in to inspect and admire the room, I would notice a new imperfection. I choose not to be discouraged and determined that a second coat would fix all the things wrong with the walls.

The second coat of paint was applied, and the imperfections noted the day before were covered. The room looked amazing! Again, the drying period was imposed and we waited, busily planning how to arrange furniture and items belonging in Anya's room. Later I went back in for the final inspection, standing back the room looked amazing! The colour was perfect and Anya was thrilled. Excellent job I said to everyone, we all nodded and went to work  moving furniture.  As I moved closer to the walls my eyes would catch the occasional imperfection. Choosing not to dwell on it, as I had no more paint anyway, I tried to put the lack of perfection out of my mind. but just as I was able to do so with one wall, the next wall  would expose yet another mark of imperfection to me. I begin to get a irritated, how could a room go from perfect to less than just but getting  a closer look? Determined to not let this bother me too much I began to see if I could place furniture in front of the offensive marks as a way to hide it. Most I could, some I could not.I then started planning how to hang pictures in such a way as to disguise my flawed walls.

Now it is the day after and while there is still some work left to do, Anya's room is almost done. I have had some time to think about my frustrations with the  walls. It was not the painting, necessarily that was flawed it was the walls. The walls themselves had damage unseen to us before we painted. Painting just exposed it to the naked eye. Paint will only cover things, it cannot repair things.  A fresh coat of paint, has no restorative qualities it merely masks things it is put on. In one sense, painting lies.It tells us that an outside of something once changed, changes everything. that is simply not true. In order to truly change something we need the inside, the basic make up, the very foundation of something to be change. Then and only then can a lasting true change can be effected.

I confess, and I know I am not alone, that when I need a change, when I try to hide my imperfections from myself and from others, it is the outside I try to change first. I change my style, my diet, my exercise routine or other habits in my  life. All of these might be a good thing, but if I were to be completely honest, they do nothing but mask my inner imperfections, my deep insecurities and my longing to be more than I am. Paint lies, diet lies, clothing lies.

I am so thankful that God, the God who created me and has a purpose for me, already knows of my imperfections. I am so thankful that no matter how hard I try to deny or hide my flaws, God loves me with them and that if he desires them changed in my life, He has the power to change my very foundation. God alone is the transformative agent in my life, not my clothes, not my habits not my diet.

I will continue to paint, I love it. But I will be more patient and forgiving with the outcome. I will continue to exercise, eat right (most times) and aim for better ways to be in this world, but I will not depend upon those externals to change me, I will seek God and God alone to make the foundation of who I am what He desires.

So friends, paint on but do not expect your paint to shine on for ever. Let your very heart, your very being , the way God made you to be, let that part of you be your brilliant shine!

Oblivious

Bruno, one of our dogs has been written about in detail already, so he most likely needs no introduction to you. However, he might need an explanation. Bruno is our outside dog. He is not allowed to come inside our home as he is a very efficient hunter of lizards, frogs, birds and cats. Yes, cats. He almost did in our beautiful black cat Sylvester when she escaped outside, after which we labelled him as our outside dog and never again tried to bring him in. His instincts for survival were taught by 7 or so years on the hard Bahamian streets. These instincts  will never leave him, he is a hunter.  Bruno loves being our yard dog, he protects us and loves us back like no dog I have ever met. Bruno, in a word, with the exception of his taste for living creatures, rocks!

A few weeks ago I was sitting out at dusk with him enjoying the beautiful Bahamian evening. He would sit by me and nudge into my leg asking for more and more affection. Bruno saw I was not going anyway so decided to take a break from me to get a drink. He nosily slurped away and was drinking such a long time I looked over. It was then that I saw it, a frog in his second bowl  of water. Bruno had no clue the frog was there, instead he just slurped away at this first bowl, enjoying the fresh water. The frog on the other hand knew Bruno was there and had flattened himself against the bottom of the dish then later onto the side of the dish, praying (I think frogs can pray) that Bruno did not see him.

Bruno was oblivious, not even once did this frog shape catch his attention, which is strange  because like I mentioned earlier, Bruno is a hunter and protector, nothing gets by him, usually.
I nervously laughed out loud, as I knew that frog had no chance if Bruno spotted him. So I stood up and went next to Bruno. I went slowly to not startle the frog to its most certain demise should it decide to hop. From my vantage point I was able to gain these pictures and still Bruno remained oblivious to what would have been a fabulous night time snack for him.

What made me laugh with Bruno was that this: there stood a trained and expert hunter,  drinking without any notion that his next meal was right beside  him. He really should have seen this opportunity. I could almost guarantee, had he still been on the streets of Nassau and that close to a frog he would not have missed out.

I am sure we have all at one time or another been oblivious to something amazing. Perhaps someone told you after the fact that you missed something. Perhaps you realized your oblivion on your own, but just too late to do anything about it.  We as humans are highly in tune to finding opportunities with which to satisfy our wants and needs. Whether your next meal, a great conversation with a friend or that beautiful walk on a beach, we are often in the process of looking for that next bit of satisfaction. But guess what, most of us walk around oblivious of what God offers us. So while we are desperately seeking contentment in our lives we often overlook or fail to even realize that the greatest means to met our human desire for joy is just waiting for us to take it.

Perhaps we are duller than we ought to be. Perhaps attempting to satisfy our joy needs with temporary remedies have deadened our instincts to pick the one that will eternally satisfy. I really cannot say why we overlook God's gifts, I just know that we do. Well let me speak for myself, I know I do, and all too often.
So for me, this lesson should remind me to drink deeply but at the right source.

Sine on my friends!
Allie

p.s the frog lives!! he was gently poured out on to the grass away from Bruno. I believe that he is actually the  same frog that now lives next to the propane tank of the BBQ. Apparently he is both stealth like and fire retardant!

When a stick is just a stick

Yoshi, our newest potcake loves sticks. He is the only one of our dogs that actually like sticks. He will seek them out, he will run around with them and he will put them in a "secret" hiding spot to stock pile for what seems like an apparently nearing Apocalypse.

I was admiring Yoshi for his simplicity in life. He was quite mellow this afternoon until he found his stick, then the playful puppy broke loose and Yoshi was galloping around the yard. If I translated his muttering correctly, he was saying "look what I can do, I got a stick and I can run and I can jump with my stick!" He actually looked braver and was far more bold than when we was  a stick-less dog. With his stick, Yoshi looked invincible, running closer to the fence where the very large and intimidating neighbor dogs were lazing in the sun. Normally he waits for Bruno and Snickers to flank him during the evening meet and greet but not today, Yoshi and his stick were flying solo and feeling cool.

While carrying his stick he also took a spin around the huge tree in our yard, again he does this but far more cautiously when he is stick-less, but give him a stick and he can do anything.. or so he thinks.

At the right comedic moment, when Yoshi was rounding the great tree, a bird flew up from the twigs near the bottom of the tree. Yoshi startled so greatly he dropped his stick and sprinted back to my side. Again if my translation skills were at their best I am fairly sure he dropped a few unmentionable words out of fear and humbly leaned in for a cuddle. As he looked up to me with his big eyes even bigger with adrenaline, "Sometimes" I said to Yoshi, "a stick is just a stick. It does not make you braver, or cooler or tougher. You are just a dog carrying a stick. Yoshi, you are brave and cool without that stick, now go and see to that bird problem of ours." He blinked twice indicating he appreciated the love but leaned even harder into me looking for safety.

 Yoshi was not going anywhere near that bird. Now I would have laughed if the bird had been building a nest and in its mouth was actually a stick, now that would have been funny, but I refuse to create scenarios just for entertainment and the bird was just a bird, popping up from looking for bugs.

We kind of do the same things too. We get stuff, accomplish things and achieve lofty goals and when we do we often feel braver, more cool and run around with more bravado than we normally do. This is a good thing, most of the time. Be proud of what happens in your life you most likely worked hard for it but sometimes you got to let your stick just be a stick. Yoshi looked as though his stick was a fierce weapon, a sword of courage when really it was just a stick and proved to be useless against those terrifying ground doves in our yard. Do not take refuge in your sticks, stuff or accomplishments, most often they will not be helpful against what you face. Look to the One who gives you strength and who allowed you to find your sticks. He is the one where you can find refuge from scary velociraptor sized ground doves.
Shine on my friends

Vote for Bruno!! He is helping raise money for Baark!!!

"BRUNO"

Bruno is so grateful for the life he has found but is worried about all the other unwanted, hungry and abused animals here in The Bahamas. So Bruno-the amazing, is trying to raise money for Baark!  Baark! stands for the Bahamas Alliance for Animal Rights and Kindness. BAARK! has two main objectives: 1) Immediately improve conditions and treatment of animals at the pound and rescue all potentially adoptable animals. 2) Dramatically increase public awareness and funding for spay & neuter programs in order to reduce the numbers of stray and unwanted animals in The Bahamas. A quick vote by you helps raise money for their work.
Please take a moment and vote!!!

Swarmed

Today at church I was swarmed. I normally shy away from crowds but today, I devoured the delicious feeling of being known and loved. I wish I had someone take a picture so I could show you but I was too in the moment to think of that, and really to stop and take a picture would have ruined the moment.

I was swarmed by about 8 teens girls from a local orphanage here in Nassau. This orphanage has decided to make St.Andrews Kirk their church home, and the church could not be more thrilled and me, well I am on the moon just thinking about it.

In 2011 I had the honor of leading 2 different girls groups for this Home for Children and I got to know some of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever had the privilege to meet. During those hours together I shared stories, helped them share their stories and encouraged them to remember to live like they are loved. That no matter what they have been through, they matter and they are loved. I tell you, those groups have remained one of the highlights of my time here in Nassau.

So back to today. I  saw the girls come in and sit just across from me as my pew was full. We all waved excitedly at one another and then settled into worship. Once the last note of the last song was sung and the choir had left their loft, the girls ran over even before I could stand and the swarming began!! I think I was having about 5 conversations at once. My arms were full from the multitude of hugs and I was beaming.

The conversation quickly went to their dating life. I asked them (semi jokingly) if there was anyone I needed to beat up for them. They know I am their biggest fans and will go to war to make sure they are treated well. They answered no, but smiled and told me that they were figuring out how to take dating slow and give more attention to who they were as an individual not just in a relationship. I smiled as they took a page right out of my "dating lecture" I give to all my girls. Lesson heard and received!.

Then one of the girls, in all seriousness turned to me, put a hand on my shoulder and asked, How is your husband treating you? Tables turned. My smile was huge, and my heart was bursting. I chuckled a little at such a question. They were caring about me, and since I always ask about their relationships, it only fit that they asked me about mine. I was so touched, I smiled and told them that just the other day Bryn quoted a Bruno Mars song for me and that it was just what I needed that day. They all said ahhh in unison and smiled, as did I!

Their bus was about to leave so I walked them to the steps towards their bus, one on each side of me, all of us still talking excitedly. It was so amazing!

I was reflecting on the way home how  the girls were so excited to see me and to be there with me . But then realized that it was myself that was probably the more excited one! I thought they would have been thrilled for me to have acknowledged them and ask about them but it was me that was thrilled to see care come my way. It is an amazing feeling; knowing you building into others lives. I seriously love doing that and believe God has given me many opportunities to do so, but when that relationship shifts a bit and you are the one who is not just doing the caring but now is one who is  is cared about  there is a whole new dimension to the relationship. There is a mutual respect and love that just blows my mind. God has shown me today that it is not just amazing to care about others in your life but that it is also amazing to be cared for in return.

Being so often a caregiver I fear I forget to let others care for me in return. I fear I even do this with God, not intentionally but I so often want to show God my love and show others my love for God that I rarely sit with him and let His love into my life in an intentional way. I am so grateful for my girls today, they not only showed me love they taught me that I need to accept it too!
shine on my friends!