A momentary lapse of pain.

Today was awesome. I  was the swim portion of a relay team for a triathlon. We were raising awareness and funds for Baark! Bahamas, an organization that has become dear to my heart here in Nassau. If by the way you would like to contribute to our cause my fundraising site is accepting donations up until the end of the week. Please click here to find out how easy it is to donate. see Baark! swim, bike and run.  Being a part of a team was truly incredible and I will be sure to blog about that at some point soon but right now I want to reflect on something else I noticed today.

Pushing your body to the limit hurts, whether you are swimming, running or biking your body and quite often your mind tries to put an end to the pain and tells you to quit. It hurts to push hard but that is what is required in races like triathlons, they are build to test your limits and bring you to exhaustion. Most of the athletes in the triathlon had some serious "I hurt" faces going on.  You can see this on people's faces, in their grimaces, furrowed brows and their intense stare towards the finish line.

Here is the cool part, no hurting face was able to  remain the same as they rounded a corner where crowds were waiting to cheer them towards the finish line.  As the swimmer emerges from the ocean and runs to the transition, they cannot help put smile when they hear someone in the crowd sandwich their name between the two words of Go, Go! No biker could remain stoically serious while the hands of those cheering applauded louder and louder as they rode near. No runner could keep the grimace on their face as they saw the line up of spectators wildly waving them on towards towards the finish line.

Hurt, no matter how intense softens when met head on with encouragement, love and support of those around them. For a moment, the runners, swimmers and bikers experienced a lapse of pain, they momentarily did not let the pain dominate. For a moment they forgot the hurt. Athletes need a break in the pain to mentally get through the course, they need to stop focusing on the hurt and focus on the job at hand, the spectators can have a huge role in helping create this momentary lapse of pain.

In my real life, I work as a marriage and family therapist, where I am faced head on with many real hurting faces. These faces are real, as  is the the hurt but unlike a triathlon it is not something they entered into purposely or usually willingly.  My job is far more than a cheer-leading job but if I failed to bring encouragement, and hope I would fail as a therapist and even worse fail at supporting those who are hurting. Sometimes my job involves helping my client find that momentary lapse of pain, so they might breath more deeply and refocus on the task at hand.

In my daily life,when I am not running around posing as a super athlete, I am a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, and colleague I am also faced at times with hurting faces. This world is imperfect and people get hurt. I am not so superficial to believe that just encouraging people on will fix the hurt. But I am keenly aware that calling out to someone with kind words, and encouraging actions means a lot more to that hurting person than we could ever realize. I have been that hurting person before and it was through encouragement of the people around that I was able to breathe through the hurt and refocus on the task at hand.
Life hurts, we need momentary lapses of pain. People are often conduits for these moments and I want to thank all those who have ever cheered me on, encouraged me or allowed me to breathe.

A note for those who know I have even deeper beliefs than just in the human race. God, the one who created you, is the One who can truly give you that much needed lapse in pain. He does not always choose to fix it, but He will always choose (whether you are aware or not) to swim, bike or run beside you. He has you, He can and will encourage you  far more than any super-fan can. God is bigger than the pain you are experiencing, let Him speak into your life so you can continue the path He has created for you.

The Purpose of Writers Block

I always said I would never force a blog.  I want my blog to be real, and to be written only when I get those internal urges to see words come together that were previously swirling in my brain. Well .. today it is different. I am forcing a blog. Why? I fear at present I have a bit of a writers block. Usually I just take a few days off of writing and the block clears but after a few days off I believe the only way for me to push through this is to actually push through this and struggle with sentences.

I have many different writing projects I am working on, I write for Baark!, I am writing a novel (yet to be disclosed) and I am working on a few projects like children's books and a talk that will hopefully be impacting the young girls in high school on this island. Rarely do I lack something to work on, but my blog is different it is far more personal and requires a certain attitude of vulnerability to approach and publish.

Today, or the past few weeks to be more exact I fear I have avoided the attitude of vulnerability because I fear what you will think if I were more transparent. There as been a theme that has been circulating in my heart for about a month or so, it is something that came from my quiet times with God during my vacation at my cottage. Something that often bothers me and affects my ability to be in God presence. I am beginning to think that God wants me to blog about this but I am  hesitant .. I am still in process, I do not have completed thoughts about this theme with which I have been struggling. I do not even know if the process is something that anyone else goes through or if it would be of benefit to a blog community?  So I guess I am saying you may or may not get a glimpse into this process of mine.

 I think this writers blog as it has affected my blogging is more about forcing me in to a process of learning. I prefer insight that comes quickly and answers my queries in a sure manner. I prefer the  sound of that aha moment after a time of wondering. I prefer the feeling of knowing rather than questioning. But this process I think might take some time, might lack those aha moments right away but I do think this process has been God ordained and if I listen and sit still for a bit I might just be able to hear Him speak to this theme.

So I am about to sign off for the day, pleased to have pushed through this blog entry. I am glad to have sat in contemplation for the reasons of my writers block. I am I now excited about the process of better understanding this theme presented to me.

I do believe I will share at least part of my journey with you all, and I thank you in advance for reading and encouraging me in this. God has you all in my life for a reason. Thank you for shining so brightly my friends.

Allie

p.s for those of you inclined to worry, please do not.. this is not a worry type theme that has been presented to me,  it is a personal growth theme and one that I am now about to embark into with the willingness to be patient and wait upon the Lord.

Playing Church

The other day at work when I was talking with a 5 year old girl and  she mentioned she and her cousin had been playing church. She continued in the conversation to detail other games she played but my mind got stuck on the Playing church game.I had never heard of such a game and it caught my attention.  I had to diverge and take the 30 seconds to ask just what playing church meant. The little girl, so bright and sweet looked at me like I had asked the most ridiculous question. With her head tilted to inform me that I ought to know she said, "Playing church is when I hit my cousin in the forehead and he falls down." They she went on to describe another unrelated game like I should have just known what playing church meant. I chuckled at the answer and the image of these two children playing church. Later that day I started to wonder more about the meaning of this game. 


I started thinking, what would the game of playing church look like if the child was at another church? Perhaps the child would sit as still as she could, hands folded in her lap and not move a muscle. Maybe she would shush her playmate to be quiet. Possibly she would be waving her hands shouting  hallelujah. Perhaps she would stand up and sing slowly an old hymn.  Perhaps she would be rocking out to a contemporary chorus. Maybe she would be the methodical almost monotone preacher, talking eloquent words into a microphone. Quite possibly she would be the sweaty jumping around yelling at people preacher. I guess the point is that  each church will be differently acted dependent upon what catches her attention during the service.

 It is bad enough that we pigeonhole our denominations into actions and attitudes but What if the child's game was not "playing church" but "playing Christians"? I cringe of some of the ways that game would be played.  I need to be more aware that others are watching how I live and through that interpret what it is to be a Christian. Ideally people gain their knowledge of Christ through the Bible.  Realistically the Bible is not being read, and moreover our living example  is a  powerful tool exceedingly effective at helping others interpret what it means to be a Christian, good or bad.


 I am grateful for this darling little girl who in not so many words, reminded me that I was being watched by all who know I am a Christian. I try to live an honest and transparent life but I know that if someone played the game "Allie as a  Christian" I would be embarrassed and humbled by some of the scenes. If i were to write the script of that game I would choose to show Allie loving, caring, praying, and giving. Instead I need to realize that part of the script (perhaps one of the most important parts) is Allie in need of grace, Allie relying on God's strength and Allie the forgiven and I do not show those very much. Perhaps I ought to start.
This  is quite the challenge stemming from such an innocent game, but one that is so important if others are to see past the Allie and straight onto God. 


Shine on my friends, the good and the bad, God will shine through you!

stop faking it!

I was coming home today from a great swim. I was tired but high on endorphins and noticing the world in an enthusiastic manner. My honda fit crested the hill just before I got home and on this hill was a runner. He was killing that hill but his running was laboured as was his breathing. His face was contorted and he wanted to stop, but as he saw my car approach he kicked it up a notch and gave it his all towards the top of the hill. While I was impressed I was also concerned, the movement of his limbs and the expression on his face indicated to me he needed to stop or slow down for a break. I wondered if my car had not approached would he have pushed so hard? 


I know myself as a runner and I would have done the same thing. I admit I run faster when there are cars and people to watch but if I am alone on the road with not a soul to see what I am doing I know I do not push as hard. I know this technique of mine has nothing to do with the actual training for a sport and everything to do with my ego and pride but I am not ashamed to admit it. I want to look like I am a good runner. I pretty much kill myself on a hill, increase my pace or do an extra loop on a run if  I am aware someone is looking. Once I turn the corner or the car disappears out of sight only  then do I crash to a stop sucking in oxygen from the like a newly rescued drowning victim. I fake it and I am no longer ashamed to tell you that.


I might be the only one who does that when they run, but I cannot imagine that I am alone in this "faking it to look good technique in life". I am sure if we stop to analyse ourselves we will all find a place where we so badly want to be better than we are that we fake it.

One of the the benefits of faking it, it does force you to go farther, harder or faster than you would otherwise, that has to be good right? I am sure sometimes that can further your ability as a runner, but what I have found as a very very mediocre runner that the best thing for me is a slow steady consistent pace, to run honestly with my abilities. It is mentally taxing and seems so very difficult but after time your body learns to run and finish well.


I love the analogy used in the Bible as the Christian life is compared to running.

 1 Corinthians 9:24

 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? 

Run in such a way as to get the prize.

I sometimes try to fake it in front of God too. Silly, I know as He knows and sees all things but still my pride says I need to fake it sometimes. Faking it can look like holding back tears, not admitting frustrations, saying yes to everything when no was a better answer, always thinking you have the answers when deep down your very core has doubts.. I could go on. Faking it in front of God looks like many things, take a minute to see where you tend to fake it. 


The bottom line is, there is no need to fake it, God does not expect us to be more than what he made us to be, he knows our very thoughts and sees all our emotions. Faking it in front of God only tricks ourselves and maybe those around us. Like running, finding the pace you are meant to take at this stage in your life is important. If you have recently experienced a loss, are realizing some of your powerful doubts, are struggling with a depression or other illness your pace will need to change for a while. 


A race can never be won by one concerned about how he looks to others, it will be run by a runner who knows his pace and can push himself within that range. The Christian life can only be lived in joy when we are living within the honest knowledge of where we are at today and thanking God that He has us, no matter what. God has us in all of it.


So my thoughts for today, stop faking it! run, walk or limp with honesty towards God, He has you.


Shine on my friends
Allie

the new black.

My Canadian friend Jen, gave me an fantastic gift this summer. It was a running shirt, made specifically for ultra hot environments, it had an SPF of 50, the ability to wick the sweat away and it was light ..ooo so light. But I had doubts, see this shirt was black..yep..black.  Black fabrics attract the heat and make you hotter and yet this black shirt, was made specifically for running in hot environments? 


All my life I knew black attracts heat. My premise for doubting this shirt was valid. I had a lifetime of wearing black shirts as proof. I had my doubts but the label in the shirt informed me that this technical fabric was called cold black, and somehow it actually made you cooler when you wore it in the sun. I wondered if Jen might have gotten caught by a marketing ploy, I had my doubts, many of them but I put my new "cold black" shirt into my suitcase to wait for a Bahamian test "run". 

Fast forward to the present, I return to the Bahamas and eagerly await the first day I could run in my new shirt. The day arrives, the temperatures were in the mid 90s with an even higher humidex. Perfect I thought, I will put this shirt to the test and either it will impress me or kill me. Either way, I find out. Now I have to be honest, I took a short route for the test, I was a bit fearful that if it did what I thought it would do and attract the heat I would be risking heat stroke and wanted to stay closer to home. Doubt had me in its grasp but I did not want to stay there, so off I went on my test run.




Guess what, that cold black shirt did work. It actually felt cooler than any other running shirt I had used before. I have now used it twice and am seriously thinking about buy stock in the company and then having all clothes fashioned out of this seemingly magical technical "cold black" material.


 If I had run with a shirt that actually attracts the heat in such weather it would have been at best uncomfortable and at most very hazardous. So what was the benefit of my doubt?  The benefit of my doubt was that had I fully believed in something I had never before experienced I would have failed to noticed the benefit of this new fabric. I would have given credit for my increased comfort to my hydration level, rested legs or super ability to run. Doubt had a place, it showed me the truth by letting me experience it. Doubt forced me to make a decision, stay with what I believed and never try the shirt or to admit that perhaps I do not have the market on truth about black fabric and to try something new. 


 Doubts are natural and important to acknowledge. If a person has never doubted their faith, or beliefs I have to wonder if they have investigated it on their own terms. In order to full grasp or experience something you need to test it out like I did with my cold black shirt. 


Most of us are afraid of doubts, thinking they are the first sign of a downward slip of their faith. I tend to see doubts as the first sign of a potential growth in your faith. Doubting hurts, it is uncomfortable and most people will rarely admit they are in doubt. But doubting also forces you to confront and experience what truth is, and my friends, truth will always come forward, and it is beautiful. Asking tough questions and facing tough realities forces us to come face to face with our doubt and then if we push further and allow truth to speak to it you will experience hope and faith like we have never experienced before. 


The bible tells us to taste and see that the Lord is good. Many of us have doubts that God is good but few of us  have given truth a chance to inform us any differently. My experience with the cold black shirt reminded me that I get stuck in my own learned ideas of what reality is and rarely give truth a chance to speak differently into my life. Tasting to see is a position of vulnerability we must assume. We cannot assume we have the market on truth about God, He is far to vast for anyone to claim they entirely know Him. Tasting to see makes us lay down what we have claimed as our own truth and give truth back its own voice and speak in to our lives. Today, my friends, recognize your doubts, do not be afraid of them but instead allow them to challenge you to taste and see what truth is wanting to tell you. 


shine on my friends!


the truth will set you free John 8:32 
taste and see the Lord is good Psalm 34:8

Reflected Thankfulness: Moments Captured by the Pen of Allie MacPhail

During my holidays in Canada, I was "forced" to use paper and pen to capture my thoughts. I say forced as I do prefer a computer but if I am honest, using a paper and ink to explore my thoughts was kind of romantic in a 18th century kind of way. I had ample of opportunity to write while at the cottage, some of which I will share as I translate my inky words to the computer screen. Below is the second last entry in my journal written on the second last day at the cottage, I wanted to make a list cherished moments and things at the cottage as a way to express my thankfulness to God for giving us such a refreshing time during our holidays.

The sound of the leaves rustling in the wind applauding their creator with every wind.

The sparkle  of the lake at sunset reminds me to shine for God always.

The constant buzz of the mosquitoes to remind me that as idyllic as this cottage life feels it is not perfect.

The scurry of the chipmunks at work and play reminding me to make a joyous sound to the Lord in all I do.

The heat of the rocks long after the campfire has gone down, reminding me that like the rocks I am to radiate what I have been given.

The rest I was able to find when my body finally stood still.

The peace when my mind stopped working in overdrive.

The haunting call of the loon, claiming the lake as his own telling the world where he belongs.

The Joy of my pen gliding over my journal  knowing God is at work in me.

The power of God's word as I daily look to Him for strength and joy.

The heat of my tears flowing down my face knowing it will be a while before I see this place again.

The joy of my heart knowing the goodness I have found is from the Lord of all creation, therefore I do not need to leave behind what I have rediscovered at my cottage.

All of this was during a spectacular hour at the cottage when I felt so utterly connected with God, it was a gift from Him to me and I wanted to share that with you.


Shine on my friends, it is great to be back!

Morning Reminders

Last night was the second night at my cottage; this morning was the second morning. I love mornings at the cottage but today was exceptional.  5:30 this morning was a huge thunderstorm, it woke everyone up. As is thunderstorm protocol in the MacPhail house, Anya came running into my room with the second huge boom of thunder and without words I got up out of bed and crawled into hers where we could cuddle and listen to the storm. Anya soon drifted back to sleep as the storm passed, but I was still buzzing with the excitement of the storm.

As I lay there trying to fall asleep again, knowing full well that I would not, God reminded me of all I have learned this year. It was amazing to hear scripture in my mind, scripture that I am sure I could not quote if pressed but scripture which held truth God wanted to remind me of. I knew there was no point in trying to remember what God was sharing with me so downstairs I went to start writing what it was I was being told.  Here is a bit of it.

Jeremiah 29:13

“You will seek me and find me, When you seek with all your heart.”

This verse follows directly after God tell us He has plans for our lives (Jeremiah 26:11).  He wants us to seek Him not His plans.  When we seek the plans we miss out on the one who made the plans. When we look for the directions we miss the ultimate destination, the knowledge and undeniable claim that we are His. So often I find myself seeking definitive plans for my life. What am I to do? Where am I to go? Plans are important but if all I seek is for the plans I will miss out on my purpose. To be honest carrying out plans while forgetting your purpose is meaningless.

 I just wanted to tell you that when you listen, there is undeniable proof that God is with you. When you stop and look, there is undeniable evidence you are loved.  I was awoken today by a powerful and beautiful storm so God could remind me of His even more powerful and beautiful mercy in my life. I am grateful for the amazing wake up today as my cottage shook in the thunder, I am more grateful for the reminder of my purpose here on earth. 

Shine on my friends