Happy 2012, live undeniably as His!

Happy New Year to my readers, friends and family!

I am so very much looking forward to 2012

I am excited about what I am to learn this year, what I am to do this year and How I am to grow this year.

I will delight in the renewal of old connections, the establishing of new connections and the joy of my current connections.

I will not be tempted to create resolutions today, too many are broken in a week, and most forgotten with in a month. 

I will however, determine to live each day for what it is, God given. 

 I will try to not get carried away with my own created plans and learn to wait upon the Lord to see where He would have me. 

I do hope that daily, I reflect upon the joys of knowing Christ and daily I remember to be thankful and honoring with my thoughts and actions.

I hope, that this year I live  in the knowledge that God's love for me is completely, unalterably, and undeniably real.

Happy 2012 everyone!!

Emmanuel

Perhaps it is my work as a therapist, hearing people's painful stories

Perhaps it is the crime filled streets that daily make our papers

Perhaps it is the sorrow threatening to overwhelm my heart knowing a friend is struggling deeply


Perhaps it is the glance into the eyes of a neighbor, who has been pretending to be okay for far too long


Perhaps it is the thought that no matter how much I know, I know there is suffering in every heart


Whatever it is, this world has pain, there is no denying this reality

My world, your world, our world is groaning in pain. 

Pain so deep that as much as we try to ignore it, we know we cannot fix ourselves.

Our marriages, our children, our relationships at work tell us we are broken.

We are imperfect and painfully aware we alone are not enough to heal our own pain.

Into this, our God chose to enter willingly, a baffling thought

He could have chosen to heal us from above, without getting dirty

He could have said this world is beyond repair and leave us on our own.

But instead our God, said I must comfort my people.

I must provide a remedy to the darkness in this world

A remedy that is a solution, not a band-aid. 

A remedy that brings joy to my people while the world around them is in decay

Sorrowfully but willingly, God, the Holy one of Israel sent His perfect solution

He sent his son, to be our Emmanuel, to be with us.

The powerful son, was humbled and dirtied to come as one of us, a child.

He knew his destiny, He knew He was to take on the suffering of this world. 

He knew He was to walk in our pain, to be with us.

He knew he would be rejected, spit upon and ridiculed

He knew he would be subjected to the torturous cross

Yet He came, Our Emmanuel came down to be with us.

The downward spiral of our world was forever altered

Our Emmanuel, changed history when he entered our world

Our Emmanuel,  intervened into our pain filled world and though a child, brought victory

Jesus, a child, was given to us as a remedy to our issue of suffering

All that is required of us is to believe that He loved us so much that he came to save

What joy our Emmanuel brings to a downcast world such as ours.

Rejoice, He came as a child to walk among us,He left a King capable of claiming us as His!

Why do I keep standing on sand?

I was reading Matthew 7: 24-27 this morning as part of a bible study with which I am currently engaged. The idea in this passage is a metaphor used to get us to think about what we have as the foundation for our life. Does your foundation have the ability to weather storms, pounding waves and high winds? Or is your house precariously situated on a foundation that moves with the elements leaving you without security and safety in an ever changing climate called life?

What does the foundation of your life mean? I know that a foundation of a house is the base upon which you build the house. That means, what substance are you trusting to keep your house together, what type of material are you hoping keeps your house firmly standing when the weather changes, storms blow in or during the accumulation of many years of wear and tear on your house. The foundation for a person to stand must also provide stability, shelter and strength.

I want to live in a house that is firmly built on the strongest, most enduring substance ever, something like rock, but really, how do you tell what a person’s life is based upon, how do you recognize just what you have trusted as a foundation for your life?

Those are the questions that stuck with me this morning as I read the passage. I left the reading convinced that I not only wanted a firmer foundation but that I need a firmer foundation. But here is the kicker, I know I have that foundation but there are days and weeks when I am exhausted from standing on the sandy parts of life. So technically I have this foundation but I am somehow for some reason stepping off of it.

  As a Christian, I have a firm foundation for my life, I trust that God has a plan for my life and He is capable of seeing it through. Hence, I have a solid rock foundation. So why then are there days, many days when I live life worrying, fretting, striving without much success. If I have a solid foundation like God why are there days when I feel like I am crumbling, like I cannot keep going, when the uncertainty of life takes over and to continue the metaphor, threatens the very house in which I live? If I am so certain I have God as my rock and foundation why then do I feel like I am living on shifting sand?

I think the metaphor breaks down just a bit here. A house once built remains where it is built. The house cannot decide to move, it remains there firmly upon foundation of rock upon which it was built. Here is the break down, as a Christian there was a time in my life where I recognized that God was the foundation I needed, that the Rock was the only truly safe place upon which to live, and so I was moved from sand to the Rock and lived with joy and peace and found my place in the world.   Sadly, however I must have decided to move at some point and I kept finding myself slipping and sliding down sand dunes not sure if my house will stand?  How did I get from the rock back to the sand upon which I find myself discontented, stressed and ready to crumble? 

I know the rock is the place where I belong, it makes no sense to return to shifting foundations, no sense at all. But all too often I find myself weary from trying to stabilize my own life and finally when I start questioning  things I look down and yet again find my feet in sand trying to manage the weight of life in an ever shifting foundation.

The metaphor of a house breaks down because it is I that moves, a house never moves, but I can and do.  I have the ability to decide what foundation I will stand upon.  I have the ability to make foolish decisions, and frequently I do. They do not always seem foolish at the time, they might actually seem good! But if overtime these decisions lead me away from the Rock, my true foundation, then they were indeed foolish. I think my ego, and pride often lead me away. I see a challenge, a new task and think yes I can do this, forgetting I get my strength from my rock foundation. I step, not purposefully, but step off without much thought. Off my secure foundation and onto the less secure. For a while I get a thrill out of using my strength to survive and manage in this less stable environment. This good feeling can last a while, but after a while I get tired, my stabilizing muscles fatigue and I start to break down, and in the end crumple with exhaustion. I am not always aware that I step off my rock, I wish there were motion detectors for this, but there is not.

The cool thing, the rock will always have a place for me. I will not be replaced when I step off. The Rock keeps my spot, the one I belong in just for me. So no matter how many foolish decisions I make, or how long I step off that rock, He is there waiting for me to step back and find rest in Him.

Despite the fact that I know, that I have tasted, that I have experienced the stability of standing on the rock there is something innate in me that wrongly tells me that I can stand on sand and be okay. While I am still here on this earth, it will be a daily conscious effort to pay attention to what foundation upon which I stand.  I want to remember daily that the Rock is good, that security in this ever shifting world is needed and that to stay with and on the Rock, requires a conscientious effort, every day, every hour every minute.

Joy comes in

This blog was inspired by my dog Bruno. Due to his extreme passion for hunting cats, Bruno has to live as a yard dog and is not allowed inside.  We made a dog house for him, okay we did not make it we tipped over an old water tank, cleaned it and put in a blanket. At first Bruno did not love his dog house, it was too far way from his people (us) so often he would choose to stay on the porch (even in the rain) in the hopes that his people would make their way out of the backdoor. We had however a very long rainy season and started to feel sorry for this foolish but loyal dog, so we moved his house to just off the porch. With his new vantage point he can see when his people come to the door and Bruno comes running! He finally takes shelter in the rain and I do belive he quite likes his shelter. I have included a picture of this house to show you how primitive it is, even just today when I took the picture there were grass clippings stuck to the inside walls of the house due to the humidity and a freshly cut lawn. It is not pretty, in fact it really ought to be called a shack, not a house.

I went outside last night to say hi, Bruno was not there.  He usually greets me at the door and then does a little dance with some awesome vocalizations, but this time, Bruno was no where to be seen.  I looked out into the dark and saw his curled up figure in his shack, I wondered why he was not coming to me. In the shadow I could see his little stump of a tail trying to wag, but nothing else. He has spotted me but still did not come running. It was then I decided to go to him, I made my way off and around the porch and to the opening of Bruno's shack. Grasping the tree in the doorway I crouched down and looked in. Bruno was lying comfortably but it was obvious he did not have the energy to get up. Bruno sufferers from arthritis  in his deformed hind legs. He was like this when we got him as a foster, and though he is  much healthier he is still feeling the effects of years of neglect and abuse in his first 7 years or so of life.

leaning in for a hug

 I was not shocked at his lack of energy, there was proof all around the gardens that he had been digging for lizards  all day, an activity I can imagine quickly catches up with his aged body. Seeing he needed some love and affection, I humbled myself, crouched even further, contorted my body and made my way next to Bruno. His stubby tailed wagged harder, yet he did not move. I reached over to stroke his back and he uttered a sigh of contentment. Soon after Bruno decided to move over so he could be even closer to me, it was a lovely moment during a the star filled evening. It was actually quite joyful.

Bruno is so happy to have a visitor

Here are two pictures we reenacted for the camera this morning as it was too dark for photos last night as it would have ruined the moment

As we we were just sitting there, I took a big breath and started to look around. I was sitting on a dirty blanket, leaning against a grassy, dirty wall and petting a dog that was still filthy from digging in the garden.  The more I thought about it, the more it was quite disgusting, but just then Bruno lifted his head and licked my hand. It was his way to say thank you and to show his appreciation for my visit to his domain. Any disgusting thought was vanquished and my heart filled with love and affection for this misshapen dirty dog whose only care in the world was to be shown love.

What struck me last night was this, If I were Bruno sore, dirty and in a shack I probably would not have desired any visitors, instead I would have shunned any offers and avoided any contact. I might have been ashamed that I did not have it all together, or that my house was out of order or too small, I would have been embarrassed at my appearance and I would have missed out on the joy that offered to come to me.

We do that with God. So often we think we need to have it all together to approach him, so often we avoid inviting him in because we are embarrassed with our current conditions. We think, when I get my family in order then I can talk to God, when I figure out my depression then I can talk to God, or when I know I can do more things for Him then I can talk to God. But that is not the case. God comes to u, He comes to sit with us dirt and all. Not only does he come to us, He humbles himself, gets dirty  and comes to see us in our current condition. no strings attached, joy comes to us.

I am so grateful for Bruno's example last night of just being himself. He reminded me that God is always with me, not just when I have it together. God  is particularly present  when I am particularly out of sorts. God brings me Joy when I need it the most, in the midst of life's messes.

thanks Bruno for showing me how to accept the Joy that is offered even when life is not perfect.

shine on my friends

Swagga!! Do you have it?

I had an incredible opportunity to attend a women of faith event this weekend  with a group of some of the best women that God has ever made. I have so much to blog about and promise to continue my joy blog series in the near future but due to popular demand from the ladies surrounding me this past weekend here is my blog about our favorite teaching, swagga. The word  came from the amazing group Mary Mary (pictured below)  and stayed in our hearts  during the rest of the weekend.

 Swagga, what a strange word, most of us do not know what it is. It is derived from the word swag, which to most, including me, still requires some definition. Is it something you find in your home?  There is an architectural element that is called a swag but that is not what I learned about this weekend.   Is swag what celebrities get when they present for award shows?  S.w.a.g, also know as "stuff we all get",  are promotional items like diamond encrusted cell phones for Oscar presenters or free pens for signing up for a new credit card, that is Swag not swagga. Perhaps swagga is some different kind of language? Perhaps, but let me explain. Swag, according to the urban dictionary is: The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style and demeanor. So yes, I guess that swagga is a type of language as it sends a message to others announcing what you know and believe about who you are.


Ever been alone in a crowded room and some one yells your name in recognition? That feeling, the  instant you feel included or appreciated, is swagga. Ever been in a restaurant and get noticed or talked to by the highly esteemed owner who treated you like a long lost friend? Remember the smile, the walk, the way you held your head high after that..that is a type of swagga. You were recognized out loud by someone of high esteem, that felt great. So how does this translate to a Christian women's conference? Are we not supposed to be all meek and mild? As Christian women we are to be a lot of things but being shy about who we are, no way. We are supposed to have swagga.


You can have swagga anytime anywhere. All you have to do is be proud of your status as daughter of the King, and you can show some swag. It is easy to show swag when you feel like you look good or have done something awesome, but that is not what I am talking about. The swagga in reference from this weekend  is the swag that comes from knowing you belong, knowing you have a place in this world and knowing who is your daddy! The world can so quickly strip away the swag we make ourselves, through criticism, unkind words or indifference. We can dive from head held high to nose on the ground hunched over posture in seconds when our homemade swagga fails. But the swagga that comes from knowing who we are in God cannot be taken. 


This weekend, we were reminded that we are known and loved by the very one who created us. The  people who cherish their relationship with God above all else have a swagga, the way the carry themselves is unexplained without God. Peace in the midst of a family turmoil? That is swagga, Joy in the midst of tears, Swagga! And you know that it is only swagga from knowing God that keeps people in their ability to face the unknown. People will notice and should notice a difference.  There is not audible voice causing others to turn their heads towards you, but others do recognize a difference when  joy and peace shines clearly in your life no matter what the circumstances.

I remember way back in high school, Jason, one of my guy friends asked me, Allie why are you always so happy? I believe he was not noticing my happiness but my joy. I did not correct him, I was kinda shy around boys, even those who were my friends but I knew the answer. I was exhibiting swagga from my relatively new faith in the Lord. To this day I still wish I was bold enough to say Jason, what you are seeing is God shining through me, thanks for noticing!




Time has flown by, but I still remember that day clearly. The world and time has done some damage on my swagga, I have let it get muddled with the temporary swagga from the world. I know my God given swagga can still shine brightly for it never loses light, but I am afraid that as the years have gone by  I have not let my swag out in public all that often. This women of faith conference challenged me to live boldly with the swagga confidence that can only come from the Lord. 


Isaiah 43:4 tells us what God thinks about His children:  
"you are precious and honored in my sight, I love you." 


Can it get any better than that, really can it? I think not. Everyone no matter who they are longs for acceptance and love, God generously gives this to all His children and in abundance. So hold your head high and walk with swagga 'cause you are loved and you are His!


Want to get swagga? true swag that cannot be tainted or taken by the world? Well just contemplate how if feels to hear God say, "hey..that 's my girl. I made her to make a difference, now taken notice!" Then walk with intention, head held high, knowing you have a place in this world. 


shine on and live with swagga!

Manufactured Joy does not last.

Since my last blog, quite a few people have privately expressed their concern, Allie are you okay? Rest assured I am good, but this whole fighting joy thing has made me realize that I could be better. I could be living more fully, more joyfully more purposely. Let me explain.

I think a big part of this is that I have a tendency to want to create my own joy, my own happiness. I get joy through my hobbies, my relationships and my work. Nothing is wrong with that, in fact I am glad I can find happiness in so many things, it is a great gift. But here is the kicker, because I can so often find happy I fail to look for true joy.  I get so busy manufacturing my own happiness  that I fail to lean on God for his Joy.

So how do I know this? Well I think I have alluded to my inability to do nothing. I cannot sit still and "just be" without great effort. So when I have days that I would count as "less productive" I can guarantee that I will not be as joyful. In fact, on some of those days I get downright irritable, quite the opposite of joyful. It has been my experience with these days, where I am so caught off guard with my irritability that has forced me to look deeper into my beliefs about joy. As far as I can tell through my moments of introspection, I lack contentment on those days, I lack the security that would allow me to feel valuable even when not "contributing" to the lives of those around me or my own household. Crazy huh! Here however I think I am not alone, and while I would not OUT anyone on this, I think a lot of women are just like me, (and lots of guys too)  We can  all be comfortable when contributing in some way, or producing something of value in some manner but the minute our contributions stop or our productivity is halted, wham, we are hit with feelings or thoughts of inadequacy and mediocrity.

If all of this is true, and I know it is for me, then the only deduction I can find is that manufactured joy does not last. If it did, the less productive of my days would be able to feed off the leftovers from the day before. Sadly that is not as true as I would like and often live in a joy deficit day.

My friend Jen, (who is seriously one of the most amazing women I know) had Psalm 28:7 as a favorite verse for years, it begins like this, "the joy of the Lord is my strength.." I have always looked up to Jen as a spiritual mentor and this verse has rambled about in my brain for a few years now, and just now I think I am getting the implications.  The strength gained from knowing God's joy is immeasurable, it brings contentment even when chaos is knocking at your door, it brings security when the world around you changes, and it allows peace to speak loudly when everyone else seems to be at war. Knowing God's joy removes from me the absolute need felt by every human to make their own contentment for it shows me who I am and where I belong, even during my non productive days. Seeking God's joy is refreshing and not tiring for it is freely given and not earned by what I can do. Relying on God's joy is counter intuitive for someone wired like me, I want to be able to point and say look what I did, or to be able to take the accolades for a job well done. But what I have realized, that if I want joy, true joy, lasting joy, unspeakable joy, then I must look to God first. His joy allows me to humbly bow and point and give the accolades to the One, the only One who is able to sustain Joy.

I am loving this path that I am on to better understand Joy, I am not done yet. I so look forward to sharing more about this journey with you!

shine on my friends, in great joy.. shine on
Allie

Fighting Joy

It all started one summer afternoon at my cottage in Ontario. Admittedly I was having an off day so I took some time to spend alone with God and His word and filled my journal with thoughts. This question came to me; "Allie, why are you fighting My joy?". Sure I was having a bit of an off day that day, sure I was not as patient as I needed to be with my child, and not as kind as I could have been with my husband, but fighting joy? really who fights joy? The question was more of a statement but seriously I was shocked, who does not want joy in their life? Why would anyone fight joy. Don't most of us in this world pursue joy over most anything? Whether they are looking for joy in a bottle or joy in a sunset, is there not something deep within all of us that seeks joy?  But once I remembered the statement I needed to reevaluate my shock, God did not say Allie why are you fighting joy,  he said why are you fighting MY joy. Perhaps, thought I, I do fight His joy. Perhaps God is onto something and perhaps I need examine the truth of this statement in my life. So off to my journal and God's word I went to try to figure out what this all meant.

Now here is the humbling part, this statement was realized in July of 2011, it is now October 2011 and I am still in the  process of figuring this out. I quickly realized that this was not just a yes or no question, that the idea of fighting joy is a huge concept that will require  months if not years to figure out.  This was the very thing that created some of my previously mentioned writers block.

 My first instinct was that I was not "normal" a word I highly discourage but used nonetheless. That perhaps I was the only one in the history of the world that has ever fought God's joy. But as I carried around these thoughts and watch the rest of humanity around me, I realized I might not be alone in my nonsensical battle against the truest joy ever offered. So here I am letting you to in on my quest and asking you to join me if you so desire.

This topic requires vulnerability, more than I care to share on a blog, but I am willing. This topic requires humility, more than I possess,but faking that I know all the answers does not work. All of that should scare me away from writing this, but, this is a journey that  is imperative for me to follow in order to live the life I want to live, one of Joy. So here I am opening my heart in a public  forum and stating that I am willing to share some of my findings with you. I have no idea where it will end but I trust it will bring me closer to the God I love and live for.


 I would love feedback or comments at any time as this is a process. Feel free to email me at alliemacphail@live.com if you do not care to leave a comment below.